When Your Baby Give It Their All, You Know You Have Given Birth To A Soldier.

Never before have I ever encountered a baby that I've felt so compelled to salute that I've nearly cried. A couple days ago; I met that baby, and one day we will all follow him throughout the period of time called the 'Zombie Apocalypse'.

How did I meet said baby? Let me tell you a story of one youngsters troubles and one young adults realization of someone's destiny.

I was working at my local grocery store one night, working the graveyard shift. I hate night shifts. Who the fuck needs milk at 8:45 at night? I ask myself, then through the door walks the answer to my quandary in all his/her's wife beater glory. Alas, I stray.

I was stocking the shelves while simultaneously doing my managers job, we've all been there. All of a sudden I hear crying coming from on end of the store. This isn't the first time I've heard crying in my store, I remember once: this vegan family came in and their children (who have never seen meat, or anything dead before) started to cry uncontrollably at the realization that at one time every delicious animal in our display case had a mediocre life. Once again I digress.

I casually decide that it is my time to take a piss for about, lets say 20 minutes.

On my way to my sit and nap I came across the crying child in the arms of his very attractive mother. Approaching said attractive mother I inquire as to what she is actually looking for. I believe our conversation went something like:

"Hey babe, why you looking at diapers and not at fancy menu's with me?"

"Oh Gosh I don't Know! Take me now while my top is so incredibly loose. My child will crawl away and I don't care!"

While my mind was envisioning what I would of like to of happened I couldn't help noticing the hysteric baby crying in her arms.

His mother was talking away about the type of toilet paper she most enjoys buying, all the while her young son (two years at least) was looking at ME and crying. As if I was the one causing such apocalyptic horror in his eyes.

As I watched the baby cry I watched him progress through stages.

At first he was going about his job of mass producing tears while looking at me as if I was going to reach out to him and help him.

Then, for one beautiful moment, he stopped. He had a look of panic. I like to think that this was his thought during such a small amount of time: Damnit, nothings working! I gave it my all, now what?

Then he looked quite resolute. A plan has been made. Execution of plan in 1,2,3...

He puffed up in his off-white "onesy" like an inadequate air-bag, and let out a scream mixed with the tears of a thousand souls.

The mother looked damn near unfazed, but I could no longer hold my laughter. I ran to the front of the store and into my office where I laughed until I cried. All the while I knew... That baby will lead us to greatness one day.