My conversation with God, or myself... I don't know.

Halloween is AWESOME.

Recently I went to a party as a co-workers un-official date (she has a boyfriend) and I was her DD. I sat at the party sipping soda and enjoying a lot of candy, but people were smoking A LOT of pot and the air quickly filled with a heavy white smoke.

After about 5 hours of sitting in a white fog eating various candies, I left, leaving my un-official date in the care of another female co-worker.

As I laid down to sleep I started having extremely odd dreams. One dream I had, I am thoroughly convinced, was a conversation with God. This is my conversation:

"Hello Bradley! I am God" Said God.

"Sup bub. Who are you?"

"God, you know? The Omega"

"Yeah. Not ringing a bell."

"Really? I published a book on parenting, my affair with a woman named Marry, and a fool proof alternative to spanking. I even have a large fan base, hell they even start wars in my name! How do you not know me?"

"I don't know, just not that into pop culture I guess." I said with a shrug.

"Hmm, ok! Maybe you've seen my portrayed in some movies how abo-"

"Do you play Halo?"

"No, lost interest in the series after the third game. I here ODST is shit though."

"Oh sorry I interrupted, as you were saying."

"Oh yeah, have you seen Bruce Almighty?."

"Hells yes!"

"Well, Morgan Freeman played me."

"Oh, THAT God! Cool, cool."

"Ok, now that that is taken care of, w-"

"Wait, I thought you weren't real?"

"What would make you think that?"

"Well.... You did kinda help Brenden Fraser land movie deals, thats enough to make non-believers out of a lot of people."

"Even I make mistakes."

"Well, this was a BIG one G-man."

"I know, I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't thinking! THATS your problem."

Sobbing a little: "I said I'm sorry."

"Cut the shit, I don't need excuses I need results."

"Huh?"

"Moving on.."

"So you said you thought I didn't exist?"

"Yeah, and I still don't think you're real."

"What the fuck, I'm right HERE! How am I not real!!!???"

"I don't know man, too much evidence to the contrary..."

"You're really gunna debate my existence with me?"

"Yep, then later I'm gunna have an eating competition with Buddha, arm-wrestle Brahmin, and have a drinking competition with Jesus, but I hear he cheats! Keeps turning his alcohol into water you know..."

"Hmmm."

I stare at him for some time. A long awkward pause stretches out.

God continues: "Well, I do exist, in all my children. You can always seek out my lov- wait.... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!"

"I don't know what your talking about?"

"Your making masturbatory gestures..."

"Well.... your boring!"

"Whatever, I don't get paid enough for this shit, I'll see you tomorrow about how your gunna save humanity from the -"

"Yeah whatever G-odd."

"Oh my Christ! I'm out of here, see you tomorrow night..."

He left me then. I don't know what tonight will bring, but hopefully something not so boring..