He... Broke up with me?

Recently I was asked to do a comedy bit in support of gay marriage. I agreed because of my own personal choice. I had to target my audiences sense of humor, and my audience was the gay community!

So I decided to joke about my ignorance of the homosexual world. One way of joking is imagining, for me, what their break up is like. Even better! I'll write a break-up letter! Or even better! What if my very own male roommate was gay and I didn't even know it!:

"Dear Brad,

Lately, it feels as though you've been riding my ass. It's as if every time I look at you a growing, throbbing tension spreads between us.

Every time I approach you with this issue, you turn your back to me in anticipation. I always thought that we would be more open by now!

What happened to us? One moment we were getting along great, then we moved in with each other and you wanted separate rooms!? You even started locking the bathroom door when you showered! How are you going to get lathered properly without me?

Even with the distance between us, I can feel you PENETRATING my soul. I'm as confused by this as a boy scout in the male locker room. Such good memories. But alas, the memories apparently mean nothing.

When you read this, I'll already be in San Francisco. Enjoy the apartment alone. We are THROUGH!!

Love Berny"