Would YOU hire a Vampire?

A couple days ago I was walking through the mall (First time in about a year) and noticed some very pasty white kids wearing all black, jet black hair, and chains run-a-mok. Oddly enough I noticed that they were all filling out applications to various open jobs. Not jobs like "Hot Topic" or "Goths 'r Us", but like "JC Penny" or "Sears".

Using my limited knowledge into what kids are into, I decided - quite arbitrarily - that these kids were goths. To be even more correct, since the release of Twilight, the correct term would be "VAMPIRE".

I pondered all night about the new fad. I wondered things like: What's so cool about being a blood sucker? Why do you wanna be "prep-evil"? How did vampires get to the mall around 2 in the afternoon? When did vampires start glittering in the sun? and finally: WOULD YOU HIRE A VAMPIRE?

Most of us can attest, night slots pay more, but most businesses interview during the day. Most employers don't hire glittering employees or bowls of ash. If your a vampire, this already presents a huge problem, but not completely unachievable. I just hope you like working at gas stations.

The second point I would like to make is this: I thought the point of selling your soul to the devil was to be FREE at the cost of being a murderer? Why would you need a job if you are a real vampire? Dracula never had to work at the local 7/11 to pay for his mansion. Cause he was a REAL, badass, horrific, vampire.

So I would like to conclude, unless the store sells halloween merchandise or is a Hot Topic you are probably not going to get hired. People don't like your fad, nor do they like you. Vampires aren't real and you

MUST WATCH THE LOST BOYS MOVIE.

If you want to read a story on just how hard it is to be a working class vampire in this blue collar economy click HERE